Exactly what we need; another device to strap to our bodies.

The queen is dead. A historically wild day on the internet transpired after the death of Queen Elizabeth II. Calls for decency were mocked, brands tweeted and then deleted (notably, the Les Miserables official account deleted its memorial paean to monarchy), white Twitter and Black Twitter rubbed shoulders, Irish Twitter rallied then went to the pub. In the end, if she brought nothing to those of us who weren’t her subjects or had our lives and countries ruined by her cursed family, at least today the queen brought us the kind of joy you can experience only by still being alive.

"We're extremely disappointed with the result," said Pamela Buffone, the girl's mother, in a statement. "Our daughter continues to recall that the lessons were very upsetting." The tribunal's decision noted several times that neither Buffone nor her husband were able to explain how they came to the conclusion that their daughter was upset by the lessons.

A southwest Missouri judge signed an order late Wednesday to close the embattled Agape Boarding School, but early Thursday said he wanted more information before the order is carried out. Attorney General Eric Schmitt and the Department of Social Services filed a petition in Cedar County Circuit Court asking the judge to shut down the school, citing concerns about the safety of students. The request for the court injunction Wednesday came after an Agape staff member was placed on the state’s Central Registry for physical abuse, The Star has learned. Judge David Munton signed the order calling for the immediate shutdown, but early Thursday instructed the Cedar County Sheriff to go to the Agape campus near Stockton to verify that the employee still works there. If the employee does, the order will be executed, Munton said in a court docket entry Thursday morning. The unlicensed Christian school has been under state and local investigation for child abuse since early 2021.

Come for the laptop tale, stay for the sex workers, drugs and poorly written dialogue.

An astonishing report from CNN: “I went and talked to my son and I told him, ‘They’re gonna have more cops. They’re gonna have higher fencing. And he wasn’t having it,…

LAS VEGAS (AP) — A Las Vegas-area elected public official was arrested Wednesday and identified by police as the suspect in the fatal stabbing of a veteran newspaper reporter whose investigations of the official’s work preceded his primary loss in June. Clark County Public Administrator Robert “Rob” Telles, a Democrat, was taken into custody at his home by a police SWAT unit hours after investigators served a search warrant and confiscated vehicles in the criminal probe of the killing of Las Vegas Review-Journal reporter Jeff German. “The suspect in the homicide that occurred on September 2, 2022, has been taken into custody,” Las Vegas Metropolitan Police tweeted shortly before 7 p.m. Telles, 45, had been a focus of German’s reporting about turmoil including complaints of administrative bullying, favoritism and Telles’ relationship with a subordinate staffer in the county office that handles property of people who die without a will or family contacts. Telles did not immediately respond Wednesday to telephone messages at his county office, and it was not immediately clear following his arrest if he had an attorney who could speak on his behalf. The county administrator office was closed.

HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — Electronic cigarette maker Juul Labs has agreed to pay nearly $440 million to settle a two-year investigation by 33 states into the marketing of its high-nicotine vaping products, which have long been blamed for sparking a national surge in teen vaping. Connecticut Attorney General William Tong announced the deal Tuesday on behalf of the states plus Puerto Rico, which joined together in 2020 to probe Juul’s early promotions and claims about the benefits of its technology as a smoking alternative. The settlement, which includes numerous restrictions on how Juul can market its products, resolves one of the biggest legal threats facing the beleaguered company, which still faces nine separate lawsuits from other states. Additionally, Juul faces hundreds of personal lawsuits brought on behalf of teenagers and others who say they became addicted to the company’s vaping products. The states’ investigation found that Juul marketed its e-cigarettes to underage teens with launch parties, product giveaways and ads and social media posts using youthful models, according to a statement.

ROSTHERN, Saskatchewan (AP) — The final suspect in a stabbing rampage that killed 10 people in and around a Canadian Indigenous reserve died of self-inflicted wounds after his car was run off the road by police Wednesday following a three-day manhunt, officials said. Myles Sanderson, 32, was found near the town of Rosthern in the province of Saskatchewan as officers responded to a report of a stolen vehicle being driven by a man armed with a knife, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police said. Officers rammed Sanderson’s vehicle off the road, said an official who was familiar with the matter, speaking on condition of anonymity because the person was not authorized to talk publicly. The official said the fugitive’s injuries were self-inflicted, but he didn’t have further details on when the injuries were inflicted or when he died. Video and photos from the scene showed a white SUV off to the side of the road with police cars all around. Air bags had deployed in the SUV. Some photos and video taken from a distance appeared to show Myles Sanderson being frisked. His death comes two days after the body of his brother, 30-year-old Damien Sanderson, was found in a field near the scene of their rampage, which also wounded 18 people. Police are investigating whether Myles Sanderson killed his brother.

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — A federal judge ruled Wednesday that required coverage of an HIV prevention drug under the Affordable Care Act violates a Texas employer's religious beliefs and undercut the broader system that determines which preventive drugs are covered in the U.S.

New York Times reporter David Enrich also says White House counsel Donald McGahn once called senior Trump aides ‘morons’ The bizarre scene is described in Servants of the Damned: Giant Law Firms, Donald Trump and the Corruption of Justice, a book by David Enrich of the New York Times that will be published next week. The Guardian obtained a copy. Enrich reports that “once he regained the capacity for speech”, the lawyer to whom Trump offered a stallion supposedly worth $5m “stammered … ‘This isn’t the 1800s. You can’t pay me with a horse.’” Accounts of Trump refusing to pay legal and other bills are legion. In New York, his business and tax affairs are the subject of civil and criminal investigations. Trump’s reluctance to pay legal fees also featured in his attempt to overturn his defeat in the 2020 election, which has landed him in further legal jeopardy.

John Miller recently slipped into apparent perjury about mosque surveillance before the City Council, but he's trustworthy enough for CNN.

BATAVIA, N.Y. (AP) — The crowd swayed on its feet, arms pumping, the beat of Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It” thumping in their chests. The people under the revival tent hooted as Michael Flynn strode across the stage, bopping and laughing, singing the refrain into his microphone and encouraging the audience to sing along to the transgressive rock anthem. “We’ll fight the powers that be just/Don’t pick our destiny ’cause/You don’t know us, you don’t belong!” The emcee introduced him as “America’s General,” but to those in the audience, Flynn is far more than that: martyr, hero, leader, patriot, warrior. The retired lieutenant general, former national security adviser, onetime anti-terrorism fighter, is now focused on his next task: building a movement centered on Christian nationalist ideas, where Christianity is at the center of American life and institutions. Flynn brought his fight — a struggle he calls both spiritual and political — last month to a church in Batavia, New York, where thousands of people paid anywhere from a few dollars to up to $500 to hear and absorb his message that the United States is facing an existential threat, and that to save the nation, his supporters must act.

Employing a warmed-over, cynical strike-breaking tactic, Brianna Keilar implies striking teachers are harming children’s mental and educational well-being.

A training facility and grounds for police in Chicago questions whether architects should be involved in carceral projects.

A pregnant Black activist serving four years in prison for her behavior at racial justice protests will have her sentence reconsidered as she struggles to reach her due date behind bars. Raising questions about free speech and equal justice, Brittany Martin, 34, was found guilty this spring of breaching the peace in a high and aggravated manner over comments she made to police. Her lawyers have been pushing for a lesser sentence amid increasing concerns about her health and that of her baby, due in November. Advocates with Black Voters Matter have been circulating a petition calling for her release. Civil rights attorney and former state lawmaker Bakari Sellers will tell the judge on Sept. 12 that the punishment is unjust. “She’s in jail because she talked in America,” said Sybil Dione Rosado, her trial attorney. “She’s a dark-skinned Black woman who is unapologetically Black and radical."

The Senate candidate decried the "miserably peculiar American diety [sic] called Democracy" and more in emails to his Stanford vegetarian co-op.

Legal analysts lit up social media on Monday in response to the broad and potentially devastating order by Judge Aileen M. Cannon, a Donald Trump appointee to the Southern District of Florida, temporarily halting the criminal investigation of the former president and his alleged pilfering of classified documents. Her order further authorized a special master to identify and return the small fraction of materials seized in last month’s court-approved search of Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence that may belong to him. One analyst after another meticulously detailed the failings of Cannon’s reasoning: It was “untethered to the law,” “a political conclusion in search of a legal rationale,” “deeply problematic,” “laughably bad.” At some point, one truly runs out of euphemisms for lawless partisan hackery. It’s possible to agree with every one of these criticisms but still find them less than satisfying. Because at the end of the day, no matter how much withering criticism she faces, Cannon still gets to put on the black robe and run interference for her benefactor. She will still get a standing ovation at some future Federalist Society gathering. She remains in control of this case. But it’s not just Cannon: Many smart lawyers also noted that the Justice Department now faces the unenviable task of having to appeal this decision up to higher courts that are filled with Trump appointees, which takes the sting out of the opprobrium: For all we know, the Trump-stacked 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals or five radical justices on the Supreme Court may also greet her outrageous decision with a standing ovation. So the problem is not just the extreme and heinous flaws in Cannon’s ruling. It’s also the Trump-shaped world in which Cannon operates, with impunity, which we will all have to endure for the foreseeable future. It’s the brutal reality that we may face a steady stream of depraved decisions like Cannon’s for the rest of our lives—and the pain of hearing from every quarter that nothing can be done to remedy it. We watched the same pattern play out at the end of this last Supreme Court term. One case after another blew up decades of existing precedent and tests and doctrine and replaced them with Rorschach exams that transformed contemporary Republican policies into constitutional law. Smart lawyers dutifully digested these opinions and set to work figuring out just how the EPA, or public school districts, or state legislatures that want to stop mass shootings can plausibly work around these new tests. And of course, were we living in a rational regime in which the rule of law governed, that would make perfect sense. But if the last term at the Supreme Court and indeed Cannon’s baffling new order mean anything, they signify that in this new age of legal Calvinball, one side invents new “rules” and then the other scrambles to try to play by them. For every single legal thinker who read the Mar-a-Lago order to mean, quite correctly, that ex-presidents are above the law, furrowing your brow and pointing out its grievous errors only takes you halfway there. The better question is what, if anything, do you propose to do about it? The furrowing is cathartic, but it’s also not a plan. If there were a principle that best embodies why progressives are losing ground so quickly—even as they are correct on the facts, and the law, and the zeitgeist—it must be this tendency to just keep on lawyering the other side’s bad law in the hopes that the lawyering itself will make all the bad faith and crooked law go away. But for those who are genuinely worried that democracy will rise or fall based on whether a case lands before their judges or others, merely explaining legal flaws in pointillist detail isn’t an answer. And soberly explaining that Cannon was wrong about most stuff but correct about two things is decidedly not an answer, either. You do not, under any circumstances, have to hand it to them.

Police arrested Ashley Banks on May 25 with an unregistered gun and a small amount of marijuana. Under normal circumstances, the 23-year-old from Gadsden would have been able to post bond and leave jail until her criminal trial. But Banks admitted to smoking pot on the same day she found out she was pregnant – two days before her arrest. In Etowah County, that meant she couldn’t leave jail unless she entered drug rehab, leaving her in limbo for three months. She’s not the only one, according to attorneys involved in her case. Several pregnant women and new moms accused of exposing their fetuses to drugs have been held for weeks or months inside the Etowah County Detention Center under special bond conditions that require rehab and $10,000 cash. "The court has a duty to consider the safety of the children and others within our community," wrote the judge when denying the release of a mother arrested at the hospital six days after giving birth.

Conversations about debt are never purely about economics. They are always, also, conversations about power, morality and shame. The debate over President Biden’s student loan relief plan is no exception. Immediately after the initiative was announced, opponents of debt cancellation began denouncing slacker baristas, overeducated Ivy League lawyers and impractical lesbian dance theory majors. Immune to accusations of hypocrisy, Republican members of Congress who had received hundreds of thousands, even millions, of dollars in federal relief castigated student debtors who might receive $10,000 to $20,000 in aid. It was a stark reminder that shame, like wealth, is not evenly distributed in our society. For working-class people, insolvency is often seen as a sign of profligacy and personal irresponsibility, while large corporations and the wealthy routinely walk away from their obligations and are celebrated as savvy for doing so. Donald Trump can boastfully call himself the “king of debt” for his string of strategic bankruptcies; the average debtor would never dare. Debts are, first and foremost, financial burdens. But most people in arrears must shoulder a boulder of shame as well. This is the factor most commentary about Mr. Biden’s student debt relief plan has missed. The mass cancellation of federal student loans will not only remove a crushing economic weight for tens of millions of people; it will lift a significant emotional one, too. This psychological shift could, in turn, have further political implications, by emboldening those who find their obligations overwhelming to engage in collective action aimed at winning more relief and changing the policies that make indebtedness so pervasive. To understand what a pivotal moment this is, we must first appreciate just how profoundly the moral decks are usually stacked against regular debtors. Even the seemingly innocuous phrase “loan forgiveness” implies culpability and blame, when in reality the majority of debtors are simply struggling to make ends meet — a problem likely to be most acute for Black and brown people, who tend to lack family wealth and access to credit on fair terms.