The only craft docked at Tiangong space station has been damaged and “does not meet the release conditions for a safe manned return.”

(submitted because I don't think I've ever seen The Onion fly this close to the sun) WASHINGTON—Dismissing the swashbuckling sci-fi romp as “a total hoax” amid growing scrutiny over his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, President Donald Trump made remarks Tuesday denying that he had written a 36-volume comic titled Don And Jeff: Time Pedophiles. Obtained last month by the House committee investigating the late financier and child sex trafficker, the Time Pedophiles saga depicts Trump and Epstein journeying through various historical eras aboard Epstein’s Chronolita Express time machine, taking on Edo-period samurai, ancient Roman legionaries, and Wild West gunslingers in their never-ending quest for underage sexual partners. Though Trump was prominently credited as writer and illustrator on every cover, in addition to appearing as a doodled version of himself in several “Molester’s Soap Box” columns, where he would frequently rant about the unfair treatment of sexual predators, the president has vigorously disputed the series’ authenticity. “Epstein was no friend of mine, and I never drew us becoming knights and competing at a joust for the virginity of a 13-year-old Eleanor of Aquitaine,” Trump said when asked about Time Pedophiles by a reporter, suggesting that someone else could have written, inked, and lettered the series before falsely signing his name. “Anyone who knows me knows I wouldn’t draw myself in a covered wagon picking up minors on the Oregon Trail, nor would I write a story arc about going back into prehistory, long before humans invented the age of consent, to hit on Cro-Magnon girls. Sorry to disappoint, but the fact is, I don’t draw cavemen.” “I’ve never written a caveman in my life,” he added, though several one-shot comics the president drew for charity in the early 2000s depict cavemen in a style nearly identical to those in Time Pedophiles. The storylines in the series are largely driven by the reliance of Epstein’s time machine on Enigmium, a mysterious substance that “never ages” and can only be obtained via sexual encounters with girls between the ages of 12 and 17. Each arc typically begins with the erudite Don rattling off facts about their next destination, only for Jeff to interrupt him with his catchphrase, “But what does [the Qing dynasty/Prohibition-era Atlantic City/Belle Époque France] have to do with getting pussy?” The duo’s time-faring underage sexcapades also feature numerous cameos from Don and Jeff’s team of “Temporoconspirators,” including Doc Dershowitz, the madcap inventor constantly developing new gizmos—like the Groomatizer Ray and allegation-proof underwear—for the Time Pedophiles to test out, as well as Chief Engineer Ghislaine, the Chronolita Express’s mechanic and Jeff’s on-and-off paramour, whose direct exposure to the timestream in a tragic massage accident left her forever trapped in the body of an adult woman. Despite the president’s repeated denials of having ever depicted himself and Epstein commissioning Leonardo da Vinci to build them a mechanical clockwork nymphet who goes haywire and chases them through the canals of Venice after Jeff carelessly fondles a dial controlling her aggression levels, Americans expressed unease that Epstein and Trump opted to self-publish Time Pedophiles through a company they founded called GROPE comics. In a nationwide poll conducted by Pew Research Center, 84% of respondents called the comic unpresidential and said they were disturbed by the Time Pedophiles traveling back to ancient Egypt in the “Groom Like An Egyptian” storyline and getting two breastlike pyramids constructed in their honor for molesting 14-year-old Cleopatra. In addition, 77% were appalled by the Time Pedophiles rescuing Joan of Arc from being burnt at the stake only to heave her back into the blaze upon learning she was 19. Similarly, 89% of those polled said they disapproved of the chapter where Don deliberately lands the Chronolita Express in the Miss Teen Mesopotamia changing room, and 68% said that Trump should immediately resign if he did indeed pen the issue in which an incident at a 19th-century girl’s boarding school leads to Don unwittingly becoming Jeff’s great-grandfather. “Assuming the comics in this omnibus collection are authentic, the entire series paints a damning picture of Trump and Epstein’s relationship,” said political analyst Sarah Helbecker, pointing specifically to the series’ retrospective final chapter, in which Don and Jeff wind up in the year 5000 and are put on trial by an all-female robo-society for their crimes against women, girls, and the young velociraptor from the “Jurassic Pedos” arc. “The whole courtroom sequence reads like a confession, but before anyone faces any consequences, a portal appears and the duo receive a deus ex machina pardon from the Pedophile King of the Chro-noverse, who is strongly hinted to be a future version of Don himself.” Helbecker added, “The American people should ask themselves just what the president meant when he concluded every issue of Time Pedophiles with the motto ‘Three cheers for molestation, and may every historical era be another wonderful secret!’”

A study from Oregon State University and the U.S. Forest Service found the four-day extreme heat event scorched more than 1,000 square miles of tree canopy.

Former U.S. Representative Matt Gaetz (R-FL) went public on Saturday with comments about antisemitic remarks published by his own producer.

The legendary director talks with Harper's Bazaar about becoming an artist and a parent

In response to youth suicides, teachers show students the power of headbanging at Fire in the Mountains festival.

The latest tranche of emails from the estate of late convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein includes one that contains what appear to be references to President Donald Trump allegedly performing oral sex, raising questions the committee cannot answer until the Department of Justice turns over records it has withheld, says U.S. Rep. Robert Garcia, the top Democrat on the House Oversight Committee. Garcia insists the Trump White House is helping block them. In a Friday afternoon interview with The Advocate, the out California lawmaker responded to a 2018 exchange, which was included in the emails released, between Jeffrey Epstein and his brother, Mark Epstein. In that message, Mark wrote that because Jeffrey Epstein had said he was with former Trump adviser Steve Bannon, he should “ask him if Putin has the photos of Trump blowing Bubba.” “Bubba” is a nickname former President Bill Clinton has been known by; however, the email does not clarify who Mark Epstein meant, and the context remains unclear.

The gutting of these rules coincides with a huge increase in hospitalizations and deaths from foodborne illnesses.

A German court ruled on Tuesday that OpenAI violated copyright on nine popular songs in a lawsuit that marked another attempt to prevent the free use of artists' content online. The Munich Regional Court found that the US company had used copyright-protected song lyrics to train its ChatGPT language generator.

Tens of thousands of dollars worth of vintage video game equipment was stolen from a Kent arcade this week.

Reactions mounted Thursday after a woman sharing her story for the first time said that then-Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) sexually abused her when she was just 17, while she was living in a homeless shelter and trying to save money to buy braces to fix her teeth. Laura B. Wolf, an attorney for the then-teenager and now-woman, spoke to The New York Times about the ordeal. Times journalists reached out to Wolf after a federal judge in Florida unsealed court documents that described the victim as "a then-homeless 17-year-old high schooler."

Call of Duty: Black Ops 7 is littered with AI generated artwork which makes the $70 feel like a complete rip-off.

The area usually receives an average of 0.78 inches of rain in November.

For Hannah DeLange, the most rewarding part of managing Redhead Hemp’s Durham location has been “creating a space for people to feel comfortable and confident” — crafting an inviting social setting much like a coffee shop or bar. The shelves are lined with CBD gummies, Delta-9 sangrias, and THC caramels, among a host of other drinks and candies with promises like “sleep with benefits” and “lower calories, higher vibes.” The shop interior has a cozy feel, with plants lining brick walls flush with brightly colored artwork, and plush sofas and chairs to relax on. At the store’s “Canna Cafe,” customers can sit down with hemp-infused teas and coffee. “It’s just kind of a space for all,” DeLange said. “It should be a plant for all the people, and it should be accessible — and just creating a space that’s able to really just personify that.” Now, the future of that space and many others like it are in doubt, with the vast majority of their hemp-based cannabinoid products set to become illegal in November 2026. North Carolina hemp business owners and their counterparts across the U.S. are bracing for the ban’s impact, with some pursuing advocacy efforts to reverse the ban and others working to pivot to the narrow slice of CBD products that will remain legal.

As Jeffrey Epstein was reeling from a 2018 Miami Herald investigation about the sweetheart deal he struck with federal prosecutors to settle claims he had sexually abused teenage girls, the financier turned to a trusted confidant for advice: journalist Michael Wolff. In a series of messages found in the trove of more than 20,000 documents released Wednesday by the House Oversight Committee investigating Epstein’s crimes, the independent journalist and author suggested that any potential response needed to be “war gamed out” and initially proposed that they find a sympathetic reporter to interview Epstein. Wolff rejected Epstein’s proposals to attack the reporting or publicly claim that the alleged sexual abuse was really “prostitution,” saying that Epstein had lost the “high ground.” Eventually Wolff and Epstein reached a consensus.

The Portland Immigrants Rights Coalition reported 329 arrests in Oregon last month.

The company is run by the husband of Noem’s chief DHS spokesperson and has personal and business ties to Noem and her aides. DHS invoked the “emergency” at the border to skirt competitive bidding rules for the taxpayer-funded campaign.

Palantir’s controversial software platform is capable of integrating vast amounts of data — but at what risk?

A 13-year-old student was expelled from a Louisiana middle school after hitting a male classmate who she said created and shared a deepfake pornographic image of her, according to her family’s lawyers.

A Sierra Club BC report reveals a gap between B.C.’s forestry promises, including old-growth deferrals, and reality