On Jan. 15, a hacker tried to poison a water treatment plant that served parts of the San Francisco Bay Area. It didn't seem hard.

Although Biden has vowed not to hire his own family, some ethics experts are disappointed that he hasn’t done more to shift away from the nepotism and cronyism practiced under Trump.

By now you know that Jeff Bezos is headed to space next month. Space: The Ultimate Mistress™. Now, when I heard about Bezos’s plan to rocket up into the sky, the first thing I thought about was that it would be funny if his spaceship malfunctioned and a breached nitroglycerin line found its way up his anus mid-flight. But the SECOND thing I thought about was that this man, with all his money, was going to experience the civilian dream of escaping the thermosphere, orbiting the Earth at 14,000 mph, and maybe waving hello to the International Space Station along the way. Seemed very cool. I was openly jealous. What I did NOT consider was that Bezos’s little Major Tom voyage would be a goddamn fraud. Business Insider’s Morgan McFall-Johnsen (good name) gave an outline of Bezos’s itinerary, if it can even be called that, last week: Bezos will float around the cabin of his company’s New Shepard spaceship for just three minutes before he has to strap in to his seat again and fall back to the ground. But wait. There’s less. Three minutes is actually overestimating it: Briefly, for just a minute or two, the New Shepard spaceship should clear the Kármán line — an imaginary boundary 62 miles (100 kilometers) above sea level, where space begins. NOT EVEN THREE MINUTES. Bezos isn’t even going into orbit because his busted toilet of a spaceship isn’t powerful enough to do that. He’s not going anywhere near the moon. He may not even have to wear a goddamn spacesuit. A majestic overhead view of this crazy little marble we call home? A daring spacewalk to fix the cables on the detachable HAB unit? The breathtaking realization that you exist in a cosmos more expansive than the limits of death itself? Bezos isn’t getting any of that. YOU CALL YOURSELF AN ASTRONAUT, YOU FUCKING LOSER? Look at this flight plan. Fucking look at it! Blue Origin I’d get a better view of Earth from the top of the St. Louis Arch. At least when Felix Baumgartner went to Not Space, he had the common courtesy to skydive back down to the ground. Will Jeffrey Sissyfingers here have the IRON BALLS to do that? No. No he’s gonna sit in his fake rocket, listen to a dramatic fake countdown from fake mission control, and then crack open a Snapple before spending a glorious 12 seconds in fake space. SMALL STEPS FOR A SMALL MAN. Oh sure, Bezos will get to experience zero gravity for those 12 seconds. You know who else got to do that? The cast and crew of Apollo 13 when they went up in the Vomit Comet to shoot that movie’s weightless scenes. And those people got PAID to feel like absolute shit for a brief moment. By contrast Bezos paid … OK well actually the government awarded his Blue Origin company (terrible name, would’ve been better if its name had been Morgan McLaunch-Johnsen) over half a billion dollars in contracts. AND YET THIS MOTHERFUCKER STILL WON’T BE IN SPACE LONGER THAN IT TAKES YOU TO SING “ZIGGY STARDUST” AT KARAOKE NIGHT. Over the past few years, I have been consistently let down by our foremost supervillains. They’re greedy. They’ve warped their own principles to suit their needs. They’re hornier than Lindsey Adler’s dog. But all of their evilest plans are always such a fucking letdown. None of these guys have any pizzazz. No wonder we have to keep watching Joker movies to get the USDA recommended dose of gaudy villainy to help make up the difference. This is bullshit. If I had $200 billion, as Bezos does, I wouldn’t half-ass my space travel. I would fly into REAL space, with all the deadly gamma rays and angry solar flares and whatnot. I would wear a real space suit, complete with a pissbag. I would travel in a spaceship powered by actual fuel and not compost. And then I’d land on the moon, plant a flag with family crest on it in the Sea of Tranquility, cry out I AM KING OF THE MOON, and then point at the Earth before me and laugh maniacally. Then I’d blow up the Earth using my super-powerful moon beam. Then I’d bang all the moon aliens and then travel to the all-diamond planet and STEAL it. Then I’d buy Mars with my diamond planet. Then I drink Martian champagne with all my rowdy Martian buddies: Borx, %-Dawg, Vont The Horrifying, and Eric. That’s what REAL space ballers would do, Jeff Bezos. You pathetic, earthbound hack. If Jeff Bezos ever tells you he went to space, spit on him and then cancel your Prime membership.

INVESTOR SPECIAL! This formerly majestic 5 bed/4 bath/3 car garage home was once the seller’s pride and joy. Now it’s every landlord’s nightmare and needs someone with firm resolve to appreciate its potential. If you dream of owning your own little slice of hell and turning it into a piece of heaven, then look no further! This house is not for the faint of heart but for that special person who can see through the rough diamond to the polished gem inside. As you enter, there are soaring ceilings and an open floor plan with a second-floor overlook. You will also notice there is not one surface of the home that has not been enhanced with black spray paint or a swinging hammer - damage done by an angry departing tenant who didn’t want to pay rent. But don’t let that slow you down. It’s not nearly as daunting as the freezer in the basement that’s full of meat and hasn’t had electricity to it for over a year. So be sure to wear your mask. Not for anyone else’s protection but your own. You may not be able to endure the smell if you don’t. The floorplan is wonderful and open. The main floor has a living room, dining room, kitchen with dining area, family room with fireplace, laundry, and main floor bedroom and bath. There is a walk-out to a back deck – but don’t go out there as the deck is not necessarily attached to the house in the manner you might hope. The upstairs has a catwalk, large master with soaking tub and dual sinks, plus two additional bedrooms and bath – all covered in black spray paint, vulgarities, and other substances which are no longer identifiable. The basement is amazing – or at least it will be once all the debris is cleared out, the floor coverings are replaced, and the obscenities are painted over. The home has AC and a radon mitigation system and sits on a large lot. Oh, and did I mention it’s in the pink of a geological landslide area? Come feast your senses. DO NOT GO ON BACK DECK. DO NOT OPEN FREEZER IN BASEMENT. See agent remarks.

John Paragon has died. An actor, writer, and director, Paragon was best known for his work alongside his fellow veterans of the Groundlings comedy team—and especially with long-time collaborator Paul Reubens, who tapped Paragon to help him write his early Pee-wee Herman stage shows, and to portray Pee-wee’s stalwart, box-based companion: Jambi The Genie. Per TMZ, Paragon died back in April of 2021, but his death only became widely known tonight; no cause of death has been made available. Paragon was 66.

Countries urged to take urgent action on managing water and land and tackling the climate emergency

In a scathing report, Philadelphia District Attorney Larry Krasner accused Philadelphia law enforcement officials of winning convictions in decades-old cases through unjust means.

ST. LOUIS (AP) — A St. Louis couple who gained notoriety for pointing guns at social justice demonstrators pleaded guilty Thursday to misdemeanor charges, but the man left the courthouse defiantly pledging to “do it again” if faced with the same circumstances. Patricia McCloskey pleaded guilty to misdemeanor harassment and was fined $2,000. Her husband, Mark McCloskey, pleaded guilty to misdemeanor fourth-degree assault and was fined $750. They also agreed to give up the weapons they used during the confrontation.

This … is a non-fungible token of CNN. The WarnerMedia-owned cable news channel is branching into the burgeoning NFT space with a new offering it is calling the “Vault by CNN.”

The Son of Rudy is working out his father issues on the road to Albany.

Even though he was found to be involved in *at least* 11 murders.

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos was heckled by young kids in a viral TikTok this week and the footage has spread across social media.

Toronto company is betting an investment concept that has already proven lucrative in the U.S. will also be successful north of the border

The call with Áñez’s defense minister, in which the speakers suggest several other top officials are likely to be on board, sketches a coup plot even more flagrant than the one in October 2019. Several of the plotters discussed flying hundreds of foreign mercenaries into Bolivia from a U.S. military base outside Miami. These would join forces with elite Bolivian military units, renegade police squadrons, and vigilante mobs in a desperate bid to keep the country’s largest political movement from returning to power. The phone calls, along with leaked emails discussing a mass deployment of hired guns to coincide with the elections, reveal how Bolivia could have seen fresh bloodshed late last year.

News organizations often address bad faith attacks on reporters by repeating the language of the attackers, in part, because they’re worried about looking ‘impartial.’ What they ought to do, he says, is dismiss the attacks outright for what they are: propaganda intended to delegitimize their institutions.

Officers with the Portland Police Bureau’s Rapid Response Team, the unit responsible for policing protests in the city, resigned from the team en masse Wednesday night, according to multiple sources speaking on background. The resignations came after news this week that one member of the team, Officer Corey Budworth, would face criminal charges for excessive force used during a racial justice protest last year, and that a second Rapid Response Team member, Det. Erik Kammerer, is being investigated by the Oregon Department of Justice on similar allegations. Three sources who work for the city of Portland confirmed the resignations to OPB on Thursday morning. The sources said the officers remain employed with the Portland Police Bureau, but will no longer work as part of the Rapid Response Team. Assignments to the team are on a voluntary basis within the police bureau.

The Supreme Court unanimously ruled on Thursday that the city of Philadelphia ran afoul of religious protections when it cut ties with a Catholic adoption agency over its refusal to place foster children with same-sex couples.

The U.S. Supreme Court on Thursday rejected a Republican bid that had been backed by former President Donald Trump's administration to invalidate Obamacare, preserving the landmark healthcare law for the third time since its 2010 enactment.

Overwatch is not a perfect game, not by a long shot. As content lulls and the competitive ladder stagnates due to a long development cycle on the sequel, it could be said that it is a dead game. But a fun competitive team shooter is still a good game to play with friends, and Overwatch’s player numbers surged by 10 million in 2020, which says something to the health of the playerbase, even when many other competitors have risen up since the game debuted. 

Asked repeatedly via text if he mentioned Russian-Ukrainian hit squads, Braddock wouldn’t give a yes or no answer, saying he had not heard the recording and that it’s “allegedly me … there is no proof of that.” He also suggested the recording “may even be altered and edited.”